I'm ready, what's next?

induge your inner vampire

2011-10-20T22:18:00.001-05:00

Repeat Bloody Mary three times in the dark while standing in front of a mirror and the vengeful witch will supposedly pay you a visit.

I won't be trying that on Halloween night, but I will be escaping all the kids strung out on sugar with this grown up treat.

Bloody Mary Shots
serves 6

Ingredients
1/2 shallot, roughly chopped
1 T horseradish, freshly grated
1 1/2 sticks celery
7 oz tomatoes, chopped
2 1/2 T celery salt
1 1/2 T Worcestershire sauce
1 t Tabasco sauce
1/4 t black pepper
1 lemon
2 C tomato juice
4 T vodka
1 T dry sherry

1. Place shallot, horseradish, 1 celery stick, tomatoes, ¼ tsp. celery salt, Worcestershire sauce, Tabasco, black pepper and juice from ½ lemon in a blender and blend until smooth.

2. Strain the mixture through a sieve, using the back of a metal spoon to push it through. Stir in tomato juice, vodka and sherry.

3. Just before serving, wet the rims of six small glasses with the other ½ lemon, then turn each one upside down and dip the rim into a saucer filled with celery salt. Trim the remaining ½ celery stick, cut it in half lengthways, then cut each half into 3 batons of equal size (using a slanted cut).

4. Divide the Bloody Mary between glasses and place a baton in each to serve.

put a cork in it

2011-06-03T09:51:00.002-05:00

You've never had a song-worthy set of pipes, but your steams? Those are a different story.

Bust out Musical Glasses, ingeniously decorated chalices that ensure every dinner party ends on a high note. Fill each one to a premarked level; all a reveler has to do it run her finger around the rim to make sweet music.

A set of twelve comprises an octave, so each guest gets only as much wine as you feel she deserves (G for your least favorite, A flat for your BFF). Then you can round out the latest hits to your heart's content.

It puts Karaoke to shame.

the real deal

2011-05-16T22:46:00.000-05:00

When ReCrib, a new online marketplace for gently used, high-end baby furniture and gear, launched a few weeks back, the blogs were all a Twitter. It seemed there was finally a way for parents with expensive taste to afford the cribs, strollers, toys, and furniture they lust after (and a way for those who shelled out big money for a fancy crib to recoup some of their cash).

I wanted to give it a little time, let the inventory roll in, and see if you really could purchase the big-ticket items of your dreams for a fraction of the retail price. (A shipping cost heads-up: Most of the merch is coming from sellers in NYC and L.A.)

The verdict: ReCrib is the real deal.

the test

2011-02-06T13:20:00.000-06:00

I was out walking with my 4 year old son. He picked up something off the ground and started to put it in his mouth. I took the item away from him and I asked him not to do that. 'Why?' he asked. 'Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, its dirty, and probably has germs' I replied. At this point, he looked at me with total admiration and asked, 'Momma, how do you know all this stuff, you are so smart.' I was thinking quickly. 'All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mom Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mom.' We walked along in silence for 2-3 minutes, but he was evidently pondering this new information. 'OH.... I get it!' he beamed, So if you don't pass the test you have to be the dad.' "EXACTLY" I replied back with a big smile on my face!

Ode to Carmex

2010-11-03T10:23:00.004-05:00

Carmex. It's one of the best beauty products around and it wasn't dreamed up in some expensive lab after years of research, it'd got no exotic hard to find ingredients, and there's nothing French about it. Carmex was created in Wauwatosa, WI and since 1937, Carmex has been soothing the chapped lips of everyone who has to experience the indignity and unpleasantness of winter. If you've every endured the 20-below-zero windchill of a Minnesota winter, you know what I'm talking about. It's hell on the skin and especially the lips. Traditional Carnex comes in a little white pot with a yellow lid emblazoned with its red banner logo and the very unsexy words "FOR COLD SORES" Someone in the marketing department recently got wise and toned that down a bit, though. It used to be in big black block letters, but now it's in red on a smaller font. Subtlety is not in Camex's DNA. In addition to the stark packaging which announces that you might have cold sores, it also stinks to high heaven. I associate the scent with only good and comforting things, but a newbie (or potential mate) may not. When you open the pot, you're assaulted by a minty medicinal small, and by a goopy product that is, tragically, an ear wax yellow color. But if you're brave enough to dip your finger in and apply it to your mouth, you're in for a treat. A lot of relief and prevention comes in that little 0.25oz pot.

when small size is a good thing

2010-08-22T13:32:00.001-05:00

As France's President Nicolas Sarkozy (5'5") has shown time and again, one doesn't need a big physical presence to wield tremendous power. And neither does a cocktail--especially one of France's more innocent looking drinks, the French 75.

Make no mistake, while the French 75 is a seriously tasty wine cocktail, keep in mind that it's named after the 75mm howitzer artillery gun used in WWI. Yes, it's that powerful. But it also tastes that good. Sit back and sip one these as summer comes to a close.

ingredients:
2oz. gin
1oz. lemon juice
1oz. simple syrup (equal parts sugar and water)
Brut (dry) Champagne of your choosing
Large lemon twist

instructions:
Combine the gin, lemon juice and simple syrup in a cocktail shaker with ice, and mix until cold. Strain into a highball glass filled with ice, then top up the glass with the Champagne and slice of lemon. Enjoy!

Be ure to use a classic gin with bold juniper flavor to get the most out of the drink.
Remember, cut yourself off after just one, otherwise you'll be on the floor.

bottlenotes.com

bug off

2010-07-21T15:36:00.003-05:00

Every summer, without fail I get eaten alive by mosquitos. I've tried sprays. Not wearing scented lotions. NOTHING HELPS! And being the awesome mom that I am, I have passed this rather unfortunate trait on to my son. I am a cool mom! We have matching bug bites!

So I voiced my complaint about my mosquito woes to friend and she offered a suggestion I haven't ever heard: rub a dryer sheet all over yourself.

Say whaaaaat?

But then another friend suggested that I try it out for you, dear blog readers. Oh dear. What have I gotten myself into?!

The scene: My backyard, where apparently thousands of moquitoes party for the summer.

The equipment: Target brand dryer sheets, my arms, my legs.

The verdict: Although I did have a definitive bounce in my step (oh no you didn't just go there) (oh hell yes I did), I can't say that this worked or that I'd recommed it. I mean, I guess it is hard to tell whether I got any MORE bites than I already have, since my legs are covered already. But I felt a little weird rubbing a dryer sheet directly on my skin - even though I KNOW it's really not that different that its residue being on my clothes. Mental glitch.

So tell me. Short of encasing myself in a onsie-type sleeper all summer (now there's a mental picture for you), what are your suggestions for avoiding future mosquito bites? Also: any suggestions for making the red bumps go away? They are ugly and itchy - but mostly ugly.

Popularity Dialer

2010-07-12T23:44:00.000-05:00

Have you ever been in a situation where you wished your cell phone would ring? Maybe you wanted to look extra important or popular on that hot date. Or maybe you just needed an excuse to escape from an unpleasant meeting.

With "The Popularity Dialer", you can plan ahead. Via a web interface, you can choose to have your phone called at a particular time (or several times). At the elected time, your phone will be dialed and you will hear a prerecorded message that's one half of a conversation. Thus, you will be prompted to have a fake conversation and will easily fool those around you.

Define contrary

2010-06-17T13:06:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a terrible day due to the unpleasant mood of a particular child, and during one brief 20-minute period when he wasn't clawing at his face he said a few cute things to himself, like, "My mom's name is Sara Ann," and for a moment I forgot what I was dealing with and asked him, "Jack, are you adorable?"

Which was the wrong thing to ask because he fell in the floor and started screaming, "NO, I AM NOT ADORABLE!"

And since there was nothing left to lose I just kept at him, "Why are you not adorable?"

"BECAUSE I AM NOT ADORABLE!"

"Are you being contrary?"

"I AM NOT BEING CONTRARY!"

"I think this is the definition of being contrary."

"THIS IS NOT THE DEFINITION OF BEING CONTRARY!"

And he said all of this while violently shaking his head. Who wouldn't want one of these?

decisions, decisions

2010-06-10T22:03:00.000-05:00

Like many other weekdays, a few of us around here are popping Advil, drinking extra water and trying to remember why we thought that extra glass of wine last night was a good idea... if only there was someone - or something - that could remind us to stop.

Thankfully, the folks at L'Atelier du Vin offer the Wine Partner, which is basically a digital scale/coaster that tells you how much wine you've consumed over a period of time. The idea is that the better you manage your wine drinking over the course of the day or a meal, the better overall wine experience - and better morning - you'll have.

Of course, it's all up to you to decide when you've had your last glass - the computer can only tell you how much you've consumed, not force you into making the all-important judgement of when to call it quits for the night. Which, of course, becomes increasingly difficult as the person sitting across from you appears more and more attractive...

Fetch

2010-05-10T15:06:00.001-05:00

It is a simple game, fetch...it is about as simple as a game could be.
I throw the ball into the backyard. Dog runs to the ball. Dog picks it up with her mouth and returns it to me. Repeat.
Dog gets all hot and panting, I do not.
Dog wags her tail, scampering about in nature, I sit under the shade of our maple tree and maintain a resting heart rate.
Easy, right?
Not yesterday....
I throw the ball into the backyard. Dog runs to the ball. Dog picks up the the ball with her mouth and puts it back down. Dog pees on the it. Dog runs away.
I abandon my resting heart rate in favor of wagging my tail scampering about the neighborhood looking for Dog, who appears in the driveway after I resort to driving a two-mile loop at a child-predator pace in search of her.
At this rate she will never learn to play chess.... and we really need a fence.

late

2010-03-19T08:23:00.004-05:00

So why are you late? Because Moron Cantdriverstein took a whopping two spots for his Range Rover, and there's no space for your dumb ass smart car. Time for him to play.
It's not worth getting in trouble with the law. Give him a message from www.youparklikeanasshole.com instead. Just head to the site and print out pdfs with phrases on them like: two spots, one car, ummmm... a little too close, that's a compact?, and over the painted lines. When the situation arises, check the appropriate box(es) and leave the note of the moron's windshield.
While it won't fix your current predicament, it will mitigate your rage.... and keep you out of anger management.

GRILLED PORTOBELLO BURGERS with PESTO, PROVOLONE & ROASTED PEPPERS

2010-01-22T20:04:00.001-06:00

~ enjoy balmy 28º weather, fire up the grill and dream of June ...

_________________

4 stemmed large portobello mushrooms

8 slices sourdough or whole grain bread

(or 4 buns/rolls of choice)

extra-virgin olive oil

coarse salt & freshly ground pepper

1/2 cup pesto

1/4 cup light mayonnaise

4 slices Provolone cheese

1 jar (well-drained) roasted red/yellow or just red peppers (Trader Joe's are great)

4 cups baby spinach leaves

Heat grill. Brush both sides of mushrooms with olive oil. Season with coarse salt and freshly ground pepper.
Rub one side of bread/roll with olive oil and grill until lightly toasted.
Combine pesto and mayonnaise; spread on grilled side of bread/bun.
Brush both sides of mushrooms with olive oil and grill, rounded side up, 4 minutes. Turn over, cover, and grill about 4 minutes or until mushrooms are tender, adding Provolone the last minute or so until it melts.
Place cheesy mushroom on grilled bread/bun. Top with roasted peppers and baby spinach leaves. (4 servings)

LEMON CAKE

2010-01-22T20:03:00.001-06:00

~ a single thin slice topped with fresh berries and a scoop of good vanilla ice cream ... perfect for a simple celebration for loved ones (Barefoot Contessa - Parties)

______________

1/2 lb. unsalted butter (room temperature)

2 1/2 cups granulated sugar

4 extra-large eggs (room temperature)

1/3 cup grated lemon zest (6-8 lemons)

3 cup all-purpose flour

1/2 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. baking soda

1 tsp. kosher salt

3/4 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice

3/4 cup buttermilk (room temperature)

1 tsp. pure vanilla extract

Glaze:

2 cups sifted confectioners' sugar

3 1/2 Tbsp. freshly squeezed lemon juice

Preheat oven to 350º. Grease, flour, and line the bottom of two 8 1/2 x 4 1/4 x 2 1/2-inch loaf pans with parchment paper.
Cream butter and 2 cups granulated sugar in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with paddle attachment, for about 5 minutes, or until light and fluffy. wth the mixer on medium speed, add the eggs, one at a time, and the lemon zest.
Sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a bowl. In another bowl, combine 1/4 cup lemon juice, buttermilk, and vanilla. Add flour and buttermilk mixtures alternately to the batter, beginning and ending with flour. Divide batter evenly between pans, smooth the tops, and bake for 45 minutes to 1 hour, until cake tester comes out clean.
Combine 1/2 cup granulated sugar with 1/2 cup lemon juice in a small saucepan and cook over low heat until sugar dissolves.
When cakes are done, let them cool for 10 minutes, then invert onto a rack set over a tray, and spoon lemon syrup over the cakes. Allow cakes to cool completely.
For glaze: Combine confectioners' sugar and lemon juice in a bowl, mixing with wire whisk until smooth. Pour over top of cakes and allow laze to drizzle down the sides. (2 8-inch loaves)

texts from last night

2010-01-04T20:25:00.000-06:00

Here's the deal: If you haven't heard about textsfromlastnight.com, you're seriously missing out.

(And you also might live under a rock. But I digress.)

Texts From Last Night is a website where the most hilarious, random, and often drunken texts are compiled and displayed for our viewing and hysterically-laughing pleasure.

Now, Texts From Last Night is a BOOK! It's called Texts From Last Night: All the Texts that No One Remembers Sending. Authors Lauren Leto and Ben Bator have taken the highlights of the website over the past year and turned them into a walk-of-shame documentary that will crack you up, gross you out, and leave you shaking your head at the obvious decline of humanity.

(Seriously, ya'll. I don't know who these people are that submit these texts but I half want to hang out with them, half want to pay for them to undergo extensive therapy.)

A few of my favorite texts?

(847) And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.

(1-847) I should injure you considerably.

***

(812) Rocking a headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.

***

(508) Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after.

***

(804) I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either I don't remember the best night of my life or they think I'm gay.

THAT, my friends, is good literature.

SALE

2009-11-03T20:24:00.000-06:00

In an effort to voluneteer, I am helping with a fundraising rummage sale. As we sort through all the trash, errr, I mean donations for the sale, I decided that someone should have been a little more frank about what we will and will not accept. So here are the rummage sale rules cortousy of moi:

Rule #1
Please do not donate items that carry an aroma reminiscent of any of the following: basement, litter-box, ashtray, bar floor, old people. This is not only to increase the likelihood of said items selling, but also to decrease the likelihood of vomiting by the poor person charged with opening the sealed, warm boxes and garbage bags filled with said items when such odors come pouring out.

Rule #2
Neither baby powder nor Old Spice are capable of removing the odors mentioned in Rule #1.

Rule #3
Used clothing is fine. Even your acid-washed jeans. Even your Peaches-N-Herb concert t-shirt. Even your box full of enough shoulder pads to send Alexis Carrington into a fit of jealously.
If you are going to donate underwear, however, please do not leave any evidence that the underwear has ever been worn. This same rule applies to jock straps, even monogrammed ones.

Rule #4
When attending a rummage sale of any kind, you should know that if you choose to try on the above-mentioned acid washed jeans in the church hall and strip down to your underwear to do so, we will all be able to see you.

Rule #5
Certainly, there could be a select market for people looking for just one beat-up shoe in a women’s size 5 Narrow, but that is not very probable.

Rule #6
Please be sure to thoroughly clean out the training potty chair before you donate it. Ideally, you would thoroughly clean it out after each use. But that could just be me and my high suburban standards. I dunno.

Rule #7
That is awesome of you to think of us when you are trying to decide what to do with the mattress you have obviously been using since well before the Summer of Love, but I would have even more appreciated it even more if you had taken the spring-loaded petrie dish to a biohazard drop-off facility before your lured me into touching it by leaving it at the donation drop site after-hours.

Rule #8
Clothing, sheets, towels, blankets, and curtains that are covered in what appears to be hair from any part of your body or your pet’s body will be classified as “Contaminated” and immediately discarded. The person discarding the item will simultaneously gag and curse your name once you are out of earshot.

Rule #9
If the item has ever been inside any part of your body that is typically covered by undergarments, please do not donate it to be sold to someone else. I do not care how much luck that basal thermometer brought you in conceiving your six children over the years, allowing another woman to use it is just gross.

On the plus side... Rule #10
If you donate a purse with the Prada label still attached, I will absolutely buy it the night before the sale officially begins, carry it for the next six months, and not feel weird about it at all.

Is that a banana on the bus or it is just happy to see me?

2009-10-27T16:03:00.003-05:00

Ahh, Halloween, the holiday that conjures up visions of giddy young children frolicking about the neighborhood in search of the one house dishing out full-sized candy bars and average adults dressed up like dead celebrities.
Children high on Nerds and Tootsie Pops are darling and all, and I love an army of teenage mutant transforming X-men marching up and down my street as much as the next mom, almost as much as I cannot wait to see the thrilling throng of Michael Jacksons sure to moonwalk their way around town this year.
But it is revelers like my brother, Jay, who help make Halloween one of my favorite holidays.
Jay lives the happy life of a hot and happenin’ 29-ish-year-old in Minneapolis. He has a great job, lives in a cute little place in South Minneapolis - he has no wife, no fiancé, no live-in girlfriend. (He is a catch, ladies.)
Last year for Halloween, Jay decided (at the last minute, because when one is single one can do anything one chooses on a moment’s notice) (from what I recall) to attend a Halloween party downtown.
Wearing a banana suit, of course, because he lives alone, with no one around to talk him out of it.
Taking a cab from his house in a banana suit on Halloween was not a problem. The cabbie did not question him. In fact, he hardly seemed to notice.
Attending a party dressed like a King-Kong-sized banana was not a problem either. Sure, he may have stood out among last year’s many Sarah Palins, but after a few goblets of witch’s brew I imagine he began to blend right in.
No, the problem came the next morning when Jay, still dressed as a banana, woke up at a (female) friend’s house, nowhere near his home. His friend did not pass judgment on him for staying overnight on her couch wrapped up in a yellow foam – and surprisingly realistic-looking – peel. That is a true friend. A truer friend would have discretely driven him back to his car, but this friend did not own transportation.
The best she could do was loan him $2.25 for the bus and send him on his way.
Jay contemplated his next move. While the $2.25 was most helpful, as he had left his wallet behind at one of the haunts from the night before, a change of clothes might have come in just as handy.
For some reason, however, the thought of changing into a girl’s clothes was out of the question. That would have completely stripped my brother of his dignity.
And so off to the bus stop he went, wearing black tights, a black t-shirt, and an overgrown banana peel.
He arrived at the stop just as the bus was pulling away, taunting him into running after it, waving his arms and yelling, unconcerned with the stares he was receiving on the streets of Minneapolis in the early hours of November 1st.
Fortunately the bus slowed down, and the Man-Sized Banana, hopped on, breathing heavy from the short run and was greeted by a busload of awe-struck passengers and one crying toddler.
“They started yelling at me to slow down for the banana,” the bus driver said, pointing to the people behind him.
Jay chose a seat near the middle.
One passenger was sympathetic to his plight, though. A young guy who leaned across the aisle to Jay and simply patted him on the back saying, “It’s okay, man. Everyone’s done the banana walk of shame at some point.”

I like to think there is a special place in heaven for people like Sympathetic Bus Guy.

So remember this year, when November 1st rolls around, to be kind to those still in costume from the night before. For you know not their struggles. But feel free to photograph, otherwise no one will believe your story. Happy Halloween.

Black Bean Lasagna

2009-09-11T11:04:00.003-05:00

Ingredients:

15 oz Can Black Beans, rinsed and drained
28 0z can Crushed Tomatoes
½ C – Chunky Salsa
1 tsp – Chili powder
1 small container – Light Ricotta Cheese
½ C – Cottage Cheese
1 tsp – Cumin
1/8 tsp – garlic powder
1 – Egg
2-4 C – Shredded Mexican blend cheese
1 – Box uncooked lasagna noodles (Barilla works the best!!)

Preparation:

Heat oven to 350 degrees and spray 9x13 inch pan with cooking sprayMash black beans in a bowl. Stir in tomatoes, salsa and chili powder. (I throw it all in the food processor and blend).

Combine Ricotta & Cottage cheese with garlic powder, cumin and egg.

Cover bottom of pan with about 1 C bean and tomato mixture, top with noodles, then ricotta mixture and then cheese. Repeat. Final layer should be noodles with bean and tomato mixture and cheese. Cover with foil and bake for 40 – 45 minutes. Let sit for 10 minutes before serving.

Notes:

• I added meat from a rotisserie chicken (or baked chicken breasts), adding it between the ricotta and shredded cheese layer. You could also use ground beef or ground turkey.
• Sliced green onion and black olives are great on top layer for color or crushed tortilla chips
• I served it with a dollop of sour cream and Avocado slices.
• Freezes really well too!!

bragger

2009-08-06T22:09:00.002-05:00

My final project before going out on maternity leave:

We Should Patent That #1
We Should Patent That #2
We Should Patent That #3

Seems strangely ironic that I'd be working on the Westlaw Patent launch with my constant desire to come up with the next million dollar idea....yo.

makes my mouth water!

2009-07-15T11:12:00.000-05:00

Since 1933, the wines of Louis M. Martini have been crafted in the belief that wine is best enjoyed with food and among friends and family. The Martini family has been gathering and creating recipes for generations, recipes made with their rich, distinctive wines in mind. Here is one such recipe.

Ingredients:
4 duck breast halves
1 cup fresh or frozen blueberries
½ cup cabernet sauvignon
2- 1/2 cups fat free chicken broth
2 teaspoons powdered ginger
1 teaspoon honey
1 teaspoon lemon juice
½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 teaspoon softened butter
1 teaspoon flour

Directions:
Bring blueberries, wine, chicken broth, ginger, honey, lemon juice and pepper to a boil in a non-reactive saucepan. Boil gently until sauce is reduced by half. Blend butter and flour together and whisk it into the sauce. Continue to boil gently for one more minute to thicken.Score the fat side of the duck breasts with a sharp knife in an X shape. Preheat a 12 inch saute pan, over moderately high heat. Sear the duck breasts, fatty side down for 5 to 6 minutes until they are a rich golden brown. Turn the breasts to the meaty side, reduce heat and continue to cook for 5 more minutes. Be careful not to overcook. Meat should be pink inside. Transfer the duck breasts to a cutting board and slice diagonally across the meat. Fan sliced duck breast on individual serving plates and ladle blueberry sauce over each.
Serves four.

Wine Pairing: Louis M. Martini Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon

Summer Picnic (kid friendly too!)

2009-06-26T10:39:00.000-05:00

Elbows and Peas with Cheese
Serves four

Ingredients:
1 c. cooked elbow macaroni (or other bite-size pasta)
1/3 c. cooked fresh English peas
1/3 c. crumbled feta cheese
1/3 c. canned chickpeas (strained)
1 tomato (seeded and diced)
2 tbsp. olive oil1 lemon

Gently combine ingredients and top with a squirt of lemon juice.

Mango-Banana Tango Parfaits
Serves four

Ingredients:
1 very ripe mango (peeled and rough chopped)
2 pints strawberries2 bananas (peeled and rough chopped)
2 c. full-fat Fage Greek yogurt

In a blender, puree each fruit separately. Whip yogurt into soft peaks by hand or using a mixer. Alternate layers of fruit puree and yogurt in four-ounce jars or glasses.
Garnish with store-bought vanilla wafers and a sprig of fresh mint.

sorry... no, I'm really not

2009-05-06T19:45:00.000-05:00

I realized today that women work apologies into their language way more than men do. A woman accidentally walks in on me in the public bathroom at the movie theater, and I can't help it; the first words out of my mouth are not, "Damn, get your own." Instead I say, "Sorry, this one is occupied." Makes absolutely no sense, but I apologize when someone else bumps into me. I apologize way too easily, and it pisses me off, especially knowing that men... men don't.

And yet.

I find myself wanting to apologize, wanting to explain what I'm working on now, wanting people to understand that I'm torn, that I'm working on a lot of things at once, and I want them to understand, to excuse mediocre, to understand that I can only give so much. I want to make excuses, and I don't want them to be called excuses.

I nearly apologized for not posting in a while. For not writing in a week because my life got in the way. In the end I am writing to tell you that I am taking a little blogging break without any appologies. See you in when I'm in the mood again.... don't worry, I'll be back before you know it!

I need to learn how to make these!

2009-04-28T14:52:00.000-05:00

Little humans, there is a new consumable that must be placed into your eating orifice immediately: truffle cones.
The origin of these treats has been discovered: emersion occurred in Toledo, Ohio, by confectioners at FireLilly Chocolates. They have concocted crunchy waffle cones filled with sweet, decadent chocolate from exotic locations — Experiments prove said tasty nuggets summon enjoyable sensations. For instance, dark raspberry makes tongue tart and tangy. Peanut butter and almond create cosmic sweet and salty explosion inside mouth. Must not forget dark and milk varieties that enable the simple and straightforward chocolate fix.
In summary, they are out of this world.

2009-04-27T00:54:00.004-05:00

Happy 56th Birthday Mom!

I think of you and miss you everyday... life is so different without you. I wish you could come back to me and be a part of our growing family. I want you there with me when this baby is born like you were with Jack. I hope that someday the hole my heart gets a little smaller or perhaps stops aching so much.

I love you.

overheard

2009-04-25T15:25:00.000-05:00

First guy: "Dude, you got Internet where you live?"

Second guy: "Um... what?"

First guy: "The INTERNET! You know, Google and stuff."

Second guy: "Dude, it's 2009. The Internet is everywhere. Of course I have it where I live."

First guy: "It's not everywhere, man. It's not in the woods and shit. They don't run those wires out into the middle of nowhere."

Second guy: "Okay, maybe not in the woods, but most people have access to the Internet."

First guy: "Or out in the ocean. I bet you can't get the Internet on a boat."

Second guy: "Well, see, they make these things where you can access the Internet wirelessly."

First guy: "Wire-what?"

Second guy: "Wirelessly. It works kind of like a cell phone. Do you know what a USB port is?"

First guy: "Dude, whatever. That's all future shit. Sounds like you're speaking Italian."

I've decided that from now on whenever the IT guy starts talking about a new software update I'm supposed to run on my computer, I'm going to hold up my hand and go WAIT. STOP. SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE SPEAKING ITALIAN.

knuckle sandwich

2009-04-20T22:31:00.000-05:00

If you greet me with outstretched knuckles, in anticipation of doing the traditional knuckle touching/fist pump move, rest assured that I will not leave you hanging. I will fulfill the gesture in the manner that society has mandated:

However, it’s worth noting that you’ve achieved the absolute opposite of what you intended. Rather than bonding with me, you have almost guaranteed that we will never be close in any form--because if we were really friends, you’d know that I find the gesture completely annoying . It’s actually my first filter for a potential friend. Well, that and whether you use the word “Irregardless.”

Furthermore, you might not want to push your luck and try it a second time. Because as I said, I won’t leave you hanging. But that doesn’t mean I won’t press my fist to yours and shout “WONDER TWIN POWERS ACTIVATE.”

And wouldn’t that be embarrassing if I did that with a lot of people around?

FML

2009-04-13T15:08:00.002-05:00

Is it bad to admit that I’ve been really enjoying F*ck My Life? If you haven’t read it yet, it’s a twitter site where people from all walks of life send in short anecdotes about how their life sucks. It’s something that will make you feel better or make you smile, no matter what happened in your day.

captain literal

2009-04-08T13:49:00.001-05:00

Today Jack had the last of some leftover mac ‘n cheese for his Second Lunch (yeah, kind of like Hobbits), and when that was gone he had a clementine. And when the clementine was gone he brought his empty bowl to me.

Jack: “More noo-noo?”
Me: “Sorry, Rascal, the noodles are all gone. No more noodles.”
Jack: “Noo-noo ah gone? Wheyah?”
Me: “You ate them all. They’re in your tummy now.”

He immediately lifted his shirt and examined his round tummy, prodding his belly button several times with a finger to see, perhaps, if any noodles would fall out.

supermarket personality

2009-04-04T09:54:00.000-05:00

The supermarket -- I took advantage of a day off from work and went to the grocery store to quietly shop with out the crowds and an antsy toddler. With my calm demeanour, it got me noticing the people around me... As I began to examine the techniques of my fellow shoppers, the more I discovered that we are all, perhaps, not quite as unique as we may think. So look below and you may recognize some of these most common grocery shopping styles from your own supermarket adventures. Or you just might discover that you yourself are one of the grocery shopping personalities!

The Speed Demon:

Busy and loathing actual interactivity with other humans, this shopper can go from 0 to 60 in two seconds from the store entrance. This shopper knows what he/she wants, where it is, and the grocery store serves as one giant obstacle course before the checkered flag goes down and they race over the finish line. He/She is that blur the other shoppers see, and that gust of wind that blows the produce bags and makes the scales teeter.

The Social Butterfly:

From the moment this person steps through the automatic doors, it becomes a two-hour episode of "This Is Your Life." Yes, everyone they've ever met seems to already be there, waiting to greet them -- so it becomes less a case of grocery shopping, and more like a class reunion. Why, he/she don't even have time to squeeze the tomatoes before someone is calling their name and causing them to forget all about homegrowns. Hugs and kisses ensue. First grade teachers, old neighbors, aunties, plumbers and college sweetheart's cousin's former roommates can be found within the aisles to prompt a nice sprawling catch-up session. But be warned-- don't get tangled up in their elaborate tapestry of reminiscence and askew shopping carts-- you may never make it out of the store yourself!

The Codependent Caller:

This person has been sent to the grocery store by another friend or family member, and has absolutely no idea why he's/she's there. This shopping type is unable to take two steps down any aisle without grabbing their trusty cell phone and ringing for support. You can recognize them by the philosophical questions they ask. "No Pulp? Some Pulp? Or Xtreme Pulp?" So absorbed are Codependent Callers in getting the precise item they'd been sent for, they generate an actual force field bubble which blocks out all outside stimulus but the groceries and the person on the other end of the line. But beware, Codependent Callers come out in full-force during the Christmas holiday season. Encounter one of these well-meaning souls along with a Social Butterfly, and expect serious traffic jams in frozen foods. The bubble will prevent them from ever hearing you say, "Excuse me..."

The Zen Shopper:

This person is at one with the universe and therefore has no special agenda, or plans for their day -- ever. This means if they need to examine every single carrot in that bag of baby carrots, or weigh the yin-yang benefits of soup contents, they can do it. They might want some fruit, or a birthday cake, or corned beef hash, or light bulbs, but they really aren't sure -- they figure they'll know it when they see it. They love life, have all the time in the world, and view grocery shopping as just another calm, fascinating, fancy-free moment in this beautiful world. The trouble with Zen shoppers is, because the universe knows no bounds to them, they also tend to spread out. The Zen shopper is most likely to determine the ideal time to remove all outerwear... is in the door way. Watch out for unexpectedly outstretched arms in mid-coat-removal.

The Survivalist:

This person treats grocery shopping as an extension of a nuclear bomb training drill. At the first sign of snow, the year 2000 problem or strained relations with Russia, this person heads to the grocery store to stock up on everything from toilet paper, bread and milk to batteries, generators and tinfoil. You can recognize them because they're the ones dragging two shopping carts filled to the rim with canned goods and other items with no real expiration date. While they can be found frequenting bulk purchase stores like Sam's Club, they occasionally hit regular supermarkets for variety, as well as for rolls of toilet paper smaller than grain silos.

The Minimalist:

In contrast to the Survivalist, the Minimalist only picks up the very things that will be used for that day and this almost always involves fresh vegetables and something of the soy and or goat-by-product family. If asked, they will explain to you how much better it is to have everything fresh every day, and will be happy to share with you recipes for healthy eating. They will come away with one small canvas reusable grocery bag of items -- yet still somehow spend about as much money as the Survivalist.

The Shepherd:

Unable to find a sitter for the children, the Old Woman Who Lives in the Shoe is forced to strap them all in the mini-van and heads to the store. Tired and trying desperately to tune out their cries long enough to find the right coupon in her Advanced Portable Coupon Distribution System, she finds herself spending 80% of her time trying to round up the ankle-biters. Eventually, she is forced to abandon her endeavor with a proclamation: "Okay, that's it! Forget it! Everyone, stop what you're doing and head to the mini-van. We're all going back to the shoe!"

The Invisible Man:

You never actually see him because his groceries... are delivered. He pays more to avoid every one of the groups above and he laughs... laughs... Oh, how he laughs!

Did I miss a shopper type in this list? Go ahead and share it!

Me, mostly the Speed Demon, though I have had my Zen Shopping moments on days off.

parentblog cliché

2009-04-03T10:20:00.002-05:00

Dear Two-Year-Old,

It’s hard to believe you’re two today. It’s even harder to write about it without employing every single parentblog cliché out there: the time flies so fast, these moments are so precious and over so quickly, it seems like just minutes ago you were a giant rib-kicking, bladder-punching passenger in my body and now here you are turning TWO. (Able to run up to me, knock me over if I’m sitting down, and kick my ribs and punch my bladder from the outside, all in the name of wrestling or tickle-fights)

And it’s true, it does feel like these last two years have gone by quickly. . . for the most part. Except, of course, for the days and nights that seemed to drag on forever. The interminable winter months of ear infection upon cold upon ear infection, and all the disrupted sleep that goes with them. No one talks about those long nights and cranky, groggy days when they reflect on how quickly their children are growing up. This is understandable – they don’t want to sound selfish or ungrateful; like they can’t put up with a little sleep deprivation for the sake of their children. It’s easy to focus instead on how amazing this time is, how quickly it passes.

This time is amazing, and you have brought so much happiness into our lives. You smile almost constantly; you are cheerful and easygoing and really funny. I want to tell you all of that, over and over until you’re sick of hearing it.

So forgive me and all the clichés, Peanut. And forgive me for publicly stating that you have made me tired, more tired than I had ever imagined possible. Obviously, I think it was worth it.

Happy 2nd Birthday Jackster!

smart people

2009-03-24T14:48:00.002-05:00

Just came across this article on jezebel.com about how cognitive functioning apparently drops off after the age of twenty-seven. So that is great news for me, turning the big 3-0 last year — it’s a wonder I can even put on pants every morning!
Anyway, as I skimmed it (twenty-two-year-olds smartest; people over twenty-seven struggle more with reasoning, speed of thought, etc. . . .) it occurred to me, just based on a non-scientific sampling of friends of mine:
Most of the people we know who have kids are twenty-seven or older. . . Hmm. I would say this declining mental capacity seems to correlate pretty closely with the onset of parenthood, at least for many people I know.
No wonder twenty-seven-and-olders are struggling with reasoning and speed of thought — they are sleep-deprived and constantly distracted. I mean, DUH. Or something. I forget. I’m tired and old.

an almond theme - part 2

2009-03-16T09:35:00.004-05:00

Giant Almond Crumb Cookie (severs 4)

Ingredients:
12 tablespoons (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature, plus more for pan
1 1/2 cups finely ground (5 1/4 ounces) blanched almonds
1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup sugar
1/4 teaspoon table salt
1 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter a 10-inch springform pan; set aside. In a large bowl, whisk almonds, flour, sugar, salt, and vanilla. Cut in butter with a pastry cutter until mixture is crumbly. Work in butter until completely incorporated with no dry crumbs.

Transfer all but 1 1/2 cups of mixture to pan. Press mixture into pan to compress dough.

Sprinkle with reserved 1 1/2 cups of mixture; transfer to oven.

Bake, rotating pan two to three times, until cookie begins to turn golden, about 25 minutes. Reduce temperature to 300 degrees. bake until golden brown and fairly dry, 15 to 20 minutes more. Transfer to a wire rack to cool completely. Remove from pan. Store in an airtight container for up to 3 days.

Almond Cookies (makes 28)

To toast almonds, preheat oven to 350 degrees. On a rimmed baking sheet, toast almonds until lightly golden and fragrant, about 6 minutes. Remove from sheet; let cool completely.

Ingredients:
1 cup whole blanched almonds, toasted (see note, above)
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
3/4 cup sugar
1 large whole egg, plus 1 large egg white
1 teaspoon finely grated orange zest
3/4 teaspoon almond extract (optional)
1 cup all-purpose flour (spooned and leveled)
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees, with racks in upper and lower thirds. Line two baking sheets with parchment paper. Reserve about 28 almonds (1/4 cup) for garnish. Place remaining almonds in a food processor; pulse just until finely ground (do not overprocess). Set aside.

With an electric mixer, beat butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add whole egg, orange zest, and almond extract (if using), scraping down sides of bowl as necessary; beat until smooth. In another bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda, and salt. Gradually add dry ingredients to the butter mixture, beating just until incorporated. Mix in ground almonds (do not overmix).

Using 1 level tablespoon per cookie, roll dough into balls. Place on prepared sheets, at least 1 inch apart. Using the floured end of a thick wooden spoon handle (or your thumb), press lightly in the center of each cookie. Place an almond in each indentation. In a small bowl, lightly beat egg white with 1 teaspoon water; brush over cookies.

Bake, rotating sheets halfway through, until golden brown, 12 to 15 minutes. Let cool slightly; transfer cookies to a wire rack to cool completely.

part 1

Headline vs. Reality

2009-03-11T13:31:00.002-05:00

Headline: Woman Calls 911 After McDonald’s Runs Out Of Nuggets

Relevant Detail:
Goodman said she tried to get a refund, but the cashier told her it was against store policy and that all sales are final.

Complicating Factor: She called 911 three times.

Favorite Quote:
According to the report, after police told Goodman the incident was not an emergency, Goodman replied, “This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn’t have McNuggets, I wouldn’t have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don’t want one. This is an emergency.”

blame elementary school teachers

2009-03-07T08:58:00.000-06:00

The other day I came across this article about Facebook (specifically about the “25 Random Things” notes currently going around Facebook faster than a cold travels through daycare). I am always interested in these discussions about social network sites, or blogging, or how the Information Age is destroying social decency or what have you. I’m interested, but I’m also rolling my eyes the whole time as I read stuff like this.

I don’t see Facebook, blogs or the internet as the destructive forces some would make them out to be. I do think it’s great to analyze, to cast a critical eye on the role of these internet phenomena in our lives. What does it say about our society, that some of us post what we had for breakfast on Facebook or Twitter, and that others of us read it? By all means, ask the question. But please, try to come up with an answer more original than the shrill cry of “NARCISSISM!” (followed by “voyeurism!”) that seems to be everyone’s first response.
I see Facebook status updates as brief glimpses into what is on someone’s mind at a particular moment. If I tweet about what I had for breakfast, it’s because it was really good that day and it’s probably the first thing I would tell you about if you called me. I’m just that into my breakfast foods. I don’t expect masses of people to be riveted by the news, any more than I expect anyone to be riveted by my blog posts. I put this stuff online because I think it might be funny, or because you might also be obsessed with French toast and then you can write on my wall: “OMG! I love French toast so much! YUM!” and then you and I will have had a brief connection that we would not otherwise have had that day. I enjoy those brief connections. (Judging from the BAZILLION users of social networking sites, I am not alone.)

Sure, when I write my 25 Things list, I am implying that I think I have that many interesting tidbits to share. But that’s OK. I think I’m an interesting person. I think you are, too. I like reading other people’s lists and leaving comments. It’s fun to read things about friends that might not have come up in conversation. It doesn’t mean we’re all self-obsessed egomaniacs. I mean, we’re all reading and commenting on each other’s lists, right? Not just endlessly re-reading our own.

And here’s the important thing about all of these online interactions, including and especially the 25 Things lists: they’re completely optional. A coworker corners you and tells you twenty-five meaningless things about her morning? You’re trapped, and socially obligated to listen and nod politely. Someone posts twenty-five things on Facebook, or blogs about nothing? If you’re not intrigued, just ignore it. I only read the updates of the people I find genuinely interesting online, not all the ones that are out there. And if you’re not interested in what I’m typing, you owe it to yourself to look elsewhere.

A final point: these chain-letter lists of “Things About Me” have been showing up as forwards in my inbox as long as I’ve had an email account. And when I helped my mom clean out my old room at her house, I went through boxes upon boxes of school projects she had saved. For each year of elementary school, there was at least one page entitled “All About Me” followed by a list of questions such as “favorite animal” or “when I grow up, I want to be ___.” This is not a new phenomenon, any more than it is “symbolic” of the social media-based narcissism of the “Internet Generation.” I have to go now. I have to go update my Facebook status (Sara is ranting.) And if you don’t want to read “25 Random Things About ME,” please feel free not to. But if you do read it and think I’m narcissistic, please blame my elementary school teachers.

spinach

2009-03-03T10:54:00.001-06:00

Last night Henry and Ava came over for dinner and a lovely evening of hanging out. Everyone had a wonderful time, yet the night ended in tears. Over a fistful of spinach, of all things.
Yes, Jack and Henry actually ended up crying over spinach. Not candy, or cookies, or even the festive red and blue tortilla chips. Just a bunch of plain spinach that Henry wanted wrapped up “to go,” so he could eat it on the way home.

When Jack walked by and saw Henry’s pile of spinach sitting on the table, he grabbed some for himself. The ensuing fight was hard for me to take seriously, because — let me say it once again — it was over spinach. And it was resolved with. . . more spinach. Spinach for everyone! Dry your tears and have some spinach! Seriously.

Score one for Team Parent.

Chocolate-Malt Sandwiches

2009-02-27T09:28:00.008-06:00

Ingredients:

FOR THE COOKIES
2 cups plus 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1/2 cup unsweetened Dutch-process cocoa powder
1/4 cup plain malted milk powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon coarse salt
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
1 3/4 cups sugar
1 large egg
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1/4 cup creme fraiche
3 tablespoons hot water

FOR THE FILLING
10 ounces semisweet chocolate, coarsely chopped
4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
1 cup plain malted milk powder
3 ounces cream cheese, room temperature
1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons half-and-half
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Make cookies: Sift together flour, cocoa powder, malted milk powder, baking soda, and salt. With an electric mixer, beat butter and sugar on medium-high speed until pale and fluffy. Mix in egg, creme fraiche, and hot water. Reduce speed to low; mix in flour mixture.

Space tablespoon-size balls of dough 3 1/2 inches apart on parchment paper-lined baking sheets. Bake until flat and just firm, 10 to 12 minutes. Let cool on parchment on wire racks.

Making filling: Melt chocolate and butter in a heatproof bowl set over a pan of simming water, stirring. Let cool. With an electric mixer, beat malted milk powder and cream cheese on medium speed until smooth. Gradually mix in half-and-half, chocolate mixture, and vanilla. Refrigerate, covered, until thick, about 30 minutes. Mix on high speed until fluffy, about 3 minutes.

Assemble cookies: Spread a heaping tablespoon filling on the bottom of one cookie. Sandwich with another cookie. Repeat. Cookies can be refrigerated between layers of parchment in airtight containers at room temperature up to 3 days.

Thief

2009-02-24T08:44:00.001-06:00

You’ve tried everything — planted decoy salads, faked expiration dates on your yogurt, put your Corn Pops inside a bran flakes box — but nothing throws the fridge stalker off your trail.
Give Anti-Theft Lunch Bags a shot. The plastic baggies have green splotches on both sides, making your sandwich look spoiled. Even the stickiest of fingers will resist a moldy-looking roast beef on rye.

The genius invention come 25 to a pack and are reusable and recyclable. Plus, 5 percent of each purchase goes to Freedom from Hunger, which aids poor women in Africa, Asia, and Latin America.

Victory is sweet (and in this case, savory, too).

Grape Expectations

2009-02-20T09:48:00.000-06:00

I fantasize about quitting my job, buying a vineyard in South America, blogging about it, then selling the book rights for millions.

As close as I’ll likely get? The Algodon Wine Estates Barrel Ownership program. Here’s how it works: I (or a group of pals) purchase a barrel (which costs upwards of $5,000) to make my very own vino, complete with a custom label. Choose from a number of varietals — malbec, syrah, cab sav, merlot, bonarda, and chardonnay.

Like any decent winemaker, I must taste my offerings firsthand, which the vineyard makes easy with a complimentary two-night stay at an Argentine resort. Soon after, I’ll be the proud maker/owner of about 290 bottles of Argentina’s finest.

That’s living the South American dream.
Who's in?!

FUD

2009-02-11T20:31:00.002-06:00

I kind of enjoy these "million dollar idea" entries - they totally crack me up!
People come up with some of the craziest and most clever ideas... like this one:

"Don't take life sitting down. Simply put, GoGirl is the way to stand up to
crowded, disgusting, distant or non-existent bathrooms. It’s a female urination
device (sometimes called a FUD) that allows you to pee while standing up. It’s
neat. It’s discrete. It’s hygienic."

Think anyone would notice my feet facing the wrong direction under the door in the ladies room? If they ask, I'll just tell them about the FUD.

Cupcakes for JonMurphy

2009-02-10T15:10:00.002-06:00

Since JonMurphy questioned whether my deeeeelicious cupcakes were from the box [ugh, how insulting], here is the recipe in case he wants to attempt to duplicate them :)

Yellow Cake:

3 cups sifted cake flour
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoons salt
1 3/4 cups sugar
2/3 cup butter or margarine
2 eggs
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla
1 1/4 cups milk

Preheat oven to 350°F.
Grease bottom of two 8-inch round cake pans and line with waxed paper or parchment paper. Sift together flour, baking powder and salt; set aside. Cream sugar and butter together until light. Add eggs and vanilla to creamed mixture and beat until thoroughly mixed. Add flour mixture to creamed mixture alternately with milk, eating well after each addition. Continue beating one minute. Spread batter evenly in prepared pans. Bake 30 to 35 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool layers in pans on wire racks 10 minutes. Remove from pans; cool completely. Fill and frost as desired.

Chocolate Frosting:

1/2 cup unsalted butter at room temperature
3 cups powdered sugar
3 tablespoons cocoa powder
4 tablespoons heavy cream
1 teaspoon vanilla

In a work bowl with an electric mixer, cream the butter. Sift the sugar and cocoa powder together and gradually add to the butter, beating well after each addition. Add the cream and vanilla and beat until well blended and fluffy.

a deranged hobby

2009-02-08T09:35:00.000-06:00

Won't it be funny, if the next time you are at, say, Banana Republic. You make a point to get to know the names of all the people working there. Then you take your things to the cash register. The woman behind the counter says “And did anyone help you today?”

In response, you say something like: “Natasha tried to help me, but she’s pretty creepy. Her eyes kind of fall to the left, like marbles. I couldn’t say more than two words to her."

“Then there’s Chad. He’s not gay, by the way. He just said that to get the job. He knows about as much about fashion as Paris Hilton knows about abstinence.

“I think Rachael wants your job. She said a few words to me about the new charcoal slacks that the store just got, and then she went out in the hall to text her friend about her scary, harridan boss.

“So anyway, if you’re asking who should get the commission for these purchases I’m making, I recommend you split it among all of them, because they were all equally unhelpful.”

Then you leave the store, walking slowly enough that you can hear the furor start behind you. The only problem with this hobby is that you generally can’t go back to the store again.

Peach Dutch Baby

2009-02-04T19:27:00.004-06:00

4 eggs
1/2 cup flour
1/2 cup milk
pinch salt
1 peach, peeled and sliced into 1/4 inch slices
2 1/2 tablespoons unsalted butter
2 tablespoons brown sugar
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon

In a mixing bowl, whisk eggs until well-blended and a bit frothy, about 1 minutes. Sift in flour, and blend until smooth. Add pinch of salt, and milk, and mix well. Set aside.

In a 9-inch, cast iron skillet melt 1 tablespoon butter over medium heat. When foam subsides, add the peach slices. Saute until warmed through. Add the brown sugar, and the cinnamon, continue to saute until sugar is melted and the peach begins to soften. Add the additional 1 1/2 tablespoons of butter, and melt completely.

Pour in the egg mixture, making sure that the peaches are evenly dispersed. Bake in a preheated, 425 degree oven, for 20 minutes. Pancake should be puffy and brown, and will fall somewhat upon removing from the oven.

Nosheteria

Juicy Lucy

2009-02-02T08:23:00.006-06:00

Apprently Andrew Zimmern is planning to film an episode of his Travel Channel show, 'Man v. Food', here (!) in Minneapolis and that Jucy Lucys may or may not be involved. I checked the source (Zimmern himself at blogs.mspmag.com), and here’s what I found:

Man v. Food, the Adam Richman vehicle on Travel Channel, is shooting in Minneapolis from February 5 to 8. Word from the office is that they will be checking out everything from Juicy Lucy joints to the brewski at local beer bars. I am going to take Adam to Brasa and see if he can eat everything on the steam table in one sitting. Speaking of Travel Channel, we are continuing to make loads of episodes of Bizarre Foods, and my new series, Bizarre Worlds, starts shooting in April with a plan to begin airing in September.

Wonder where he will be visiting... 5-8, Matt's, Buffalo Tap, Birchwood (vegitarian?!), Common Roots, Tuggs, Groveland Tap, Lucky 13? I could go on and on... but 5-8 and Matt's are really the best places to go for this famous sandwich!

life "to do" list

2009-01-28T23:25:00.001-06:00

Over the past 20 years or so I have kept an ongoing record of things I want to say I did before I died. Some of them are a little strange, others romantic, some I have manged to do already but many are still a work in progress....and there are a few that I'm not sure I want on this list anymore (I must have been going through a funny stage when I wrote some of these!)

As I am sure many of you have heard my theory that I only have about 20 years left to live, I better get going because this list seems to be growing out of control!

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten my own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than I could afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as I possibly could
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and didn’t care who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about my life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for my computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Taken a midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Organized CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theatre
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had my heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Learned to play D&D
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gone without food for 5 days
76. Made cookies from scratch
77. Won first prize in a costume contest
78. Ridden a gondola in Venice
79. Gotten a tattoo
80. Rafted the Snake River
81. Been on a television news program as an “expert”
82. Gotten flowers for no reason
83. Performed on stage
84. Been to Las Vegas
85. Recorded music
86. Eaten shark
87. Kissed on the first date
88. Gone to Thailand
89. Bought a house
90. Been in a combat zone
91. Been on a cruise ship
92. Spoken more than one language fluently
93. Performed in Rocky Horror
94. Raised children
95. Followed favorite band/singer on tour
96. Passed out cold
97. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
98. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
99. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
100. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when I knew someone was looking with the windows pen
101. Survived an accident that I shouldn’t have survived
102. Wrote articles for a large publication
103. Held someone while they were having a flashback
104. Piloted an airplane
105. Touched a stingray
106. Broken someone’s heart
107. Helped an animal give birth
108. Won money on a TV game show
109. Broken a bone
110. Gone on an African photo safari
111. Had a facial part pierced other than my ears
112. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
113. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
114. Had major surgery
115. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
116. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. States
117. Visited all 7 continents
118. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
119. Eaten kangaroo meat
120. Eaten sushi
121. Had my picture in the newspaper
122. Changed someone’s mind about something I care deeply about
123. Gone back to school
124. Parasailed
125. Touched a cockroach
126. Eaten fried green tomatoes
127. Read The Iliad and The Odyssey
128. Selected one “important” author who I missed in school, and read
129. Skipped all school reunions
130. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
131. Written my own computer language
132. Thought to myself that I'm living my dream
133. Built my own PC from parts
134. Made a choice knowing it was not "the right thing" to do
135. Sold my own artwork to someone who didn’t know me
136. Had a booth at a street fair
137. Dyed my hair
138. Been a DJ
139. Shaved my head
140. Caused a car accident
141. Saved someone’s life
142. Made my own wine and/or beer

Anything you'd like to add?

Promoting shameless stereotyping

2009-01-23T15:01:00.000-06:00

'Minnetonka Barbie' This princess Barbie is sold only at the Galleria. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

'Woodbury Barbie' The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily, is always late and has no full-time occupation or goals. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

'Lake Street Barbie' This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) ….unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking about.

'Edina Barbie' This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. But you won’t be able to afford any of them.

'Coon Rapids Barbie' This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. cd set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s butt when she is drunk (or sober). Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

'Watertown Barbie' This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of 'Mound Barbie’s' house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

'Uptown Barbie' This doll is made of actual tofu. She’s stinky and has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow . She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Uptown Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

'Brooklyn Park Barbie' This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant (try looking in Chicago).

'Dinky town Barbie/Ken' This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts

** I did not make this, just received it in an email **

prude

2009-01-21T22:15:00.000-06:00

Consider yourself warned that this post will be a little inappropriate....

My crazy & wild-child friend from HS was pregnant and married by age 18. They later divorced after having a second child. She is now 30 years old and acts more like she's 21 (I have all sorts of theories on this) Getting back to the point... she invited me to a "naughty things" party a couple of months ago. Not to sound like a prude, but holy crap, there were some items at this party that down right scared me. So in true fashion, and much to the dismay of the lady selling the "stuff", we decided to make fun of everything! For instance, the sales lady tried to sell a strap-on. I assumed that she was familiar with all the normal things to do with a strap-on, and I was simply providing some alternative suggestions to assist her in selling. Here were my ideas:

Wear it to the supermarket and use it to knock the item on your list into your shopping cart
Use it to see how many onion rings you can carry back to your desk from the cafeteria at work
Wear it to bed and prop your book with it. Or if it is one of those really long ones, clamp the book light to it for better illumination of the pages

Glad that you were warned in advance of reading?

Feminism

2009-01-17T14:14:00.002-06:00

Overheard at the store:
Teen girl employee #1: You look tired.
Teen girl employee #2: I’m mad tired.
Teen girl employee #1: Sucks to be at work.
Teen girl employee #2: I can’t wait to grow up so I can just be a housewife

If I can't drink it then I'm going to talk about it

2009-01-15T22:21:00.000-06:00

A Brief History of Petite Sirah
or
You Mean They’re Not the Same?

Once upon a time: Some guys bring a French grape named Syrah to California. They nickname it “Petite Syrah” after the lower yields that the vines produce in American soil. This didn’t last long, and today we call it Syrah, or Shiraz when it arrives on kangarooback (sometimes things just come out funny with an Australian accent).

A few years later: Some other guys bring over another French grape called Durif. Once in California, either for marketing reasons (Syrah was wildly popular at the time) or because of its smaller fruit, growers start calling it Petite Sirah.

About a hundred years later: Some wine smarties perform a DNA analysis and discover that:

1. Petite Sirah is exactly the same as Durif (a la zucchini and courgettes, eggplant and aubergine, Clark Kent and French Superman),

2. Petite is the genetic result of a cross-pollination between Syrah and Peloursin, and

3. Therefore, both grapes are noble Rhone varietals

So my challenge is go out and give Petite Sirah a try. See if you don’t fall for her inky, teeth-staining color, voluptuous berries, spicy pepper and bold tannins. And if you don’t, well, que syrah sirah.

excuse me while I got make love to a plate of nachos

2009-01-12T21:10:00.001-06:00

These first few months of pregnancy are like an ecstasy trip in that food tastes better than it has ever tasted in my life. I can eat anything, preferably enormous portions of anything, and no matter what it is, I can't remember it ever tasting so magnificent. Every piece of gum I chew is the most delicious piece of gum I have ever chewed, every glass of water I sip is the most fresh, most sparkling liquid ever gathered from the earth.

Recently I ordered a large pretzel (I don't even like large pretzels, but it was the only decent choice and I was STARVING)... I HAD NO IDEA A PRETZEL COULD TASTE LIKE THAT. I wanted to strip naked and roll around with it on the floor. It is like seeing light for the first time.

When I'm done with breakfast in the morning I fantasize about the possibility of lunch. I COULD HAVE ANYTHING. And chances are, IT IS GOING TO BE SPECTACULAR. I have friends who used to drop ecstasy on a regular basis, and they would go on and on about the taste of orange juice or the sweetness of a lollipop, and I would roll my eyes so hard that I could see the back of my skull. But I think I finally understand what they were going on about, EXCEPT THIS IS LEGAL....however, it is all a little scary since I have vowed not to gain 50+ lbs this time. Wish me luck, I think I am going to need it!

Mental Note

2008-12-29T08:51:00.000-06:00

Toddler + Dog = always keep the bathroon door closed

what I thought and what I said

2008-12-27T08:56:00.001-06:00

(Loading presents into my car -- chatty neighbor sees me.)

CHATTY NEIGHBOR: HI!

What I thought:
Please let this be a highly limited conversation. My only desire is to load presents in my car and get to Dad's before Jack has a meltdown in his carseat.

What I said:
Hi!

CHATTY NEIGHBOR: Oh, are you going somewhere for Christmas too? We are. We’re loading up the car and heading to Austin! To see my family!

What I thought:
Thanks for answering about three questions that I wasn’t actually going to ask. Could I please have your specific trip itinerary too? Maybe the coordinates on your GPS?

What I said:
Sounds great! Have fun!

CHATTY NEIGHBOR: By the way, did you go to the University of Minnesota?

What I thought:
Wait a second...how the hell does she know that? I’ve never told her that.

What I said:
Uh, yes I did.

CHATTY NEIGHBOR: Oh, I thought so, I saw it on a piece of mail of yours! That’s so interesting! Well, I hope you have a great Christmas!

What I thought:
My mail? You’re snooping around my mail? Here’s a thought. Why don’t I deck your halls, while a completely soused fleet of reindeer runs up and down the length of your overly curious skull..

What I said:
Merry Christmas!

Surviving

2008-12-24T23:43:00.002-06:00

This will be my one and only sad post about missing Mom (I hope).

I am pleased to say that we survived church tonight. It's difficult to pinpoint the things that will be the hardest around the holidays with the absence of Mom (she loved Christmas), but church was definitely towards the top of the list. I had a decent meltdown about an hour before we were going to leave (and then again before Christmas Eve dinner). Then I cleaned up my act, primped a bit, forced myself into some clean clothes, and left with the boys. I had a significant amount of tears during the service and most especially when our pastor came to give us hugs. I'm not by any means a dedicated "churchgoer" but I love this guy. He did the homily for Mom's memorial service - it was perfect, we could not have asked for more! His sermon tonight involved references to Talledega Nights and reciting the prayer that Will Ferrell did during the Pizza Hut dinner, involving "8 lb. 6 oz. tiny infant baby Jesus". That's church I can handle.

Alright, that's enough out of me... Santa will be here soon so I need to get in bed :)

Dog House

2008-12-05T10:02:00.004-06:00

Beware of the Dog House

Creative Accessory

2008-12-03T22:13:00.000-06:00

The Wine Glass Holder Necklace (very inventive name, by the way) is more of a lanyard than a necklace, but can your string of pearls hold a full glass of wine? Didn’t think so.

Kudos to this creative accessory for solving the age-old eating/drinking/shaking hands at a party dilemma. Still, I wouldn’t recommend it for those who enjoy dancing, leaning over, hugging, walking briskly, or wearing white shirts. Your host probably won’t appreciate it either when you swing the necklace around your head like a lasso to prove that your third grade science teacher was right about that whole centrifugal force thing.

My Love Can Be Bought.

2008-11-29T14:06:00.001-06:00

Iconic jeweller launches giant blue pop-up box at Somerset House ice rink serving Hummingbird Bakery cupcakes, candy canes, gingerbread men and more.

getting creative... with Thanksgiving leftovers

2008-11-28T14:52:00.003-06:00

TURKEY CARCASS SOUP

Strip the carcass leaving sweet meat close to the bone. The essence of how the turkey was prepared will remain in the pot. (Especially tasty if stuffed). Add only a coarsely chopped onion and a few cloves of garlic, including the skin which will all be discarded. Plop into a large stock pot, cover with cold water and bring to a boil. Simmer gently on the back burner for 4 hours. Drain stock over colander into another large stock pot, discard bits and bones. Chill and skim fat from top. The rest is fun.

Pull out leftover vegetables from Thanksgiving dinner; for example, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, squash, broccoli, green beans, brussels sprouts, corn, mushrooms, etc. Eye freshness and consider them for the pot. (If you feel you haven't had your fill of 'Holiday Fat', slip in some leftover gravy when no one is looking). Bring stock to a boil. Add 1 large chopped sweet onion, 1 chopped garlic clove, 3-4 stalks celery plus leaves, 4-5 large chopped carrots, 1 chopped green onion, 1 cup white wine, 1/2 cup chopped parsley, 1 heaping tsp. savory, 1 heaping tsp. thyme, heavy dashes of Lawry's Seasoned Pepper, coarse salt & cracked pepper to taste. Simmer on the back burner for 20-30 minutes until vegetables are cooked. Return some shredded or chopped roasted turkey back into pot. Adjust seasonings and savor the essence of Thanksgiving ... until next year!

_____________OR TRY THIS ONE_____________

TURKEY SALAD WITH CRANBERRIES & TOASTED PECANS

2 cups shredded or diced turkey

1/4-1/2 cup dried cranberries

1 diced and cored Granny Smith apple

1/2 cup chopped celery

1/4 cup chopped green onion

3 Tbsp. coarsely chopped toasted pecans

1 (11oz.) can drained mandarin oranges

coarse salt & freshly cracked pepper

1/2 cup light mayonnaise

1 Tbsp. sour cream or plain yogurt

1 1/2 tsp. Dijon mustard (for those of you familiar with my distaste for mustard should know that this amount can be adjusted... I put a little less in my recipe!)

1 Tbsp. chopped fresh parsley

8 Red leaf lettuce leaves

additional toasted pecans

Combine turkey, apple, celery, onions, pecans, and oranges. Season with salt & cracked pepper.
Whisk mayonnaise, sour cream, mustard, and parsley. Pour over turkey mixture and gently fold in. Adjust seasoning if necessary.
Line 4 plates with 2 lettuce leaves each. Mound 1/4 cup of salad on top of leaves. Garnish with additional chopped pecans. (4 servings)

Thankful

2008-11-27T23:02:00.000-06:00

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."

~ Marcel Proust

getting creative

2008-11-26T15:50:00.000-06:00

Roasted Red Pepper and Goat Cheese Pizza

A challenge I face on a constant basis... how to use up leftovers in a creative, or if not creative, at least in an appetizing way. So, I had some roasted peppers and goat cheese leftover, and I had been craving pizza lately. Do you ever do that, get stuck on a food? I had pizza 3 times in the past week, I finally feel like I've saturated my need for pizza for a while. I have a garlic infused olive oil to brush on the crust and used my favorite Pillsbury pizza dough - it was deeeelish!

Muppet Fever

2008-11-23T21:09:00.001-06:00

I do wish a new Muppet movie were out. I LOVE the muppets, and Piggy for obvious reasons. I actually always loved Sam the Eagle, too. "You people are so immature." Now, though, you can actually Create your own muppet! I want to create one for my office, just to sit on my bookshelf and inspire me to use my imagination. There's nothing like a muppet to add some cheer to your day.

I want my MTV

2008-11-20T11:50:00.000-06:00

Believe it or not, MTV once stood for Music Television. And it’s finally living back up to its name with MTVMusic.com, a newly launched site where you can watch just about any video ever made on demand.

Oh, yes. They’re all there. From “Hungry Like the Wolf” to “Sweet Child o’ Mine,” from Britney to Bryan Ferry, from the Latest LCD Soundsystem to classic self-referential vanthems like “Money for Nothing” and “Video Killed the Radio Star.” Browse to your heart’s content by artist or genre. And enjoy the site’s visuals, which pay homage to the MTV of yesteryear.

It’s almost enough to Make Television Viewable again.

Britney Spears - New Music - More Music Videos

Chocolate Pancakes

2008-11-17T09:16:00.002-06:00

2 cups flour
3 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup sugar (less may be used, to taste)
1 cup milk
4 teaspoon butter, melted
2 eggs
4-6 teaspoons cocoa

Combine dry ingredients. Add remaining ingredients and stir only until mixed.
These freeze well and can be reheated in the microwave for a quick breakfast.
Top with fruit, powdered sugar, or syrup!

Enjoy!

Is your mouth watering yet?

2008-11-16T13:52:00.002-06:00

Ten Ways to Eat More Bacon

Metallica’s tour rider notes: BACON VERY IMPORTANT THAT BACON BE AVAILABLE AT EVERY MEAL AND DURING DAY. [Caps are theirs.] Yes, bacon sure does rock. It’s crunchy, salty, and incredibly versatile. What other ingredient could fill the needs of every meal, whether chopped and sprinkled on a salad, served fresh out of the frying pan alongside a platter of scrambled eggs and hash browns, or even made into a sweet-salty dessert? Or incorporated into one of these more unusual foods:

1. Maple-Bacon Lollipops. Courtesy of online retailer Lollyphile, they include generous chunks of bacon encased in a maple-syrup shell, delivering a full maple-syrup-drenched pancake-and-bacon breakfast in candy form.

2. Chocolate-Covered Bacon. There are chocolate-covered peanuts, chocolate-covered raisins, chocolate-covered pretzels—so why not chocolate-covered bacon? If you pass through Santa Cruz, California, stop by Marini’s on the Beach Boardwalk for its version, or try Mo’s Bacon Bar from Vosges Haut-Chocolat, featuring bits of applewood-smoked bacon and smoked salt immersed in a rich milk-chocolate bar.

3. Bacon Chocolate-Chip Cookies. Conceived of by Andrea Hockett, author of the blog Never Bashful with Butter, they include bacon chunks and a topping of maple frosting with a bacon garnish, and were an instant Internet hit. However, 10 percent of her readers, says Hockett, complained that the cookies “weren’t bacony enough.”

4. Bacon-and-Egg Ice Cream. One of the most memorable menu items at London’s triple-Michelin-starred restaurant the Fat Duck is the Smoked-Bacon-and-Egg Ice Cream, Tomato Jam, Salted Butter Caramel, Caramelized Brioche, and Tea Jelly—a complete English breakfast, deconstructed for dessert. If you feel compelled to try it at home, check out Chef Heston Blumenthal’s step-by-step video.

5. Chicken-Fried Bacon. At the Sodolak’s Original Country Inn in Snook, Texas, you can buy a steak twice the size of your head—but the true highlight is the appetizer platter of chicken-fried bacon. The bacon is dipped in seasoned batter and deep-fried, then served piping hot with a side dish of cream gravy. Check out this news report about the dish from Texas Country Reporter.

6. Bacon Vodka. If your cocktails seem a little lightweight, it might be time to meaten them up with some bacon-infused vodka. This intoxicating brew is easy enough to make at home with a few strips of cooked bacon and a bottle of store-bought vodka—visit the food blog Brownie Points for DIY directions—or if you’d rather imbibe on the town, bacon-flavored vodka is available at Baltimore’s Captain Larry’s Bar and Grill and Jake’s Dixie Roadhouse in Waltham, Massachusetts, where the liquor is used to beef up the popular Bloody Marys. Or try a bacon martini in Vegas or New Orleans.

7. Bacon-Wrapped Tofu. Food blogger Makiko Itoh of Just Hungry decided to bring the two ingredients together because she believed that “tofu was getting bashed too much, and bacon revered too much.” She wanted “to show how a marriage between the two could work.” Or try this: Next time you order a veggie burger in a restaurant, get it topped with bacon—what we like to call “The Hypocrite.”

8. Fool’s Gold Loaf. This specialty from the late Colorado Gold Mine Restaurant features an entire loaf of Italian bread hollowed out and filled with peanut butter, grape jelly, and a full pound of fried bacon. The loaf technically serves 8 to 10 people—but its most famous fan, Elvis, would often chow down on the 42,000-calorie sandwich alone, as a midnight snack. Serious Eats has the recipe.

9. Bacon-Wrapped Tater Tots. Get your fix of meat and potatoes in the same bite with these delicious snacks from the ode-to-all-things-bacon blog Bacon Unwrapped. Blogger Heather Lauer’s rendition features wild boar bacon, but the traditional variety should work just as well.

10. BLT Salad in a “Bacontainer.” Bacon is more than a simple ingredient: It can also serve as a bowl, as in this creative dish from Megan Reardon of the DIY blog Not Martha. In devising her dish for a fellow food blogger’s bacon potluck party, Reardon wrapped raw bacon around the bottoms of muffin tins and baked them in the oven, then filled the bacon cups with a lettuce-and-tomato salad. Although she received many suggestions for other fillers, such as eggs, potato salad, and meatloaf, “I’m a little afraid that anything other than a salad veers dangerously into territory otherwise reserved for KFC Famous Bowls and deep-fried things you can find at county fairs,” she says.

If none of these options work for you, you can always season with bacon salt!

courtesy of chow.com

email breathalyzer

2008-11-13T21:15:00.001-06:00

Google wants to help you when you're drunk. A new feature in Google Labs called "Mail Googles" stops you from sending an embarassing email to your friends or family if you've had one too many.

The idea for this came from a GMail nerd who sent out a 'please take me back' email to his girlfriend while drunk ... which had unfortunate consequences. So with this new tool, if you try to email someone after 3am on Friday or Saturday you'll have to answer a few questions first. It's the computer's way of determining if you're sober or not... kind of like an email breathalyzer.

Gmail will ask you a question like the one below:

Once you answer it correctly, Gmail will allow you to send an email. Otherwise, you have to try the next day.

K.I.S.S.

2008-11-11T23:18:00.002-06:00

Ever read the local TV listings and marvel at their ability to cram the plot of an epic film into just a few words? Unfortunately, sometimes space constraints mean they might have to overlook a few of the nuances.

So this had me thinking, what if the same folks who summarize television shows and movies had to write up listings for classic books?

Well, I think they might go something like this:

Moby Dick by Herman Melville. Sports fishing contest strains nerves.

Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. A young man's lifelong struggle with anger management issues, domestic abuse and hygiene problems.

Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare. Hormonal teens and their families enact Jerry Springer-like drama.

The Scarlett Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne. Single mother makes "A" of herself with local preacher.

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. Coming of age tale says "Boo" to racism.

The Odyssey by Homer. Ancient Greek goes on road-trip, meeting a rag-tag team of misfits along the way.

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. Teacher strives to overcome classism, sexism and an erratic, non-union employment situation.

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas. Frenchman in frame-job seeks justice, revenge, and inspires tasty sandwich.

Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll- Indigestion of picnic lunch triggers colorful socio-political dream sequence.

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. Five sisters in rural district seek 29 dimensions of compatibility before the invention of online dating.

Have any you'd like to add to this list?

p.s. thanks for the inspiration on this post.

Beware of Baby

2008-11-08T13:16:00.001-06:00

The other day I packed up Jack and we headed to get an oil change. Things were going pretty well until I had to pry my wallet out of his hands to pay for the service. Why was my wallet in his hands, you ask? Becasue I was trying to maintain world peace, that's why.

I managed to hand over my credit card without disturbing the placement of the wallet in his hand, but when we sat down to wait for the car to be finished I tried to take away the five dollar bill that was hanging out of the wallet's side. He was on the verge of eating it. The moment the wallet exited his hand he let out a yelping scream, a wail to end all wails, a bristling cry that said I AM ENTITLED TO THIS WALLET, EARTHLING, GIVE IT BACK.

The man sitting across from us looked up over the magazine in his hands, shook his head and said, "Wow. He's an attack baby."

Yeah, thanks for that, buddy. I'm not at all aware that my baby is acting like a baby and that all attempts to prevent him from acting like a baby only increase the degree to which he acts like a baby. Attack baby, indeed. Trained to sic assholes, asshole.

Someone to Keep Us Warm, by The Silent Years

2008-11-07T09:41:00.003-06:00

The Silent Years, "Someone To Keep Us Warm" - The most amazing home videos are here

They're playing Tuesday, Dec. 16 at 7th Street Entry with Longwave

more political stuff

2008-11-04T09:57:00.001-06:00

I was running at the gym after a tough yoga class, and Obama’s interview with Katie Couric came on. I was moved to tears, and felt an intense surge of pride in our country, that we may finally fulfill the promise of America’s goodness. I looked at the man’s face, and he’s become more grizzled than I remember, but he looked kind, and tired. I hoped that both candidates are able to sleep well tonight, and that the good of the country is upheld no matter what. I felt such pride in my country and looked around at all these other people running along-side me, and it felt as if there was good reason to be so happy. Things are looking up.

I then went to the front desk where I argued with two grown adults as to what 50% of $299 would amount to. They insisted over and over that it was $199, (I informed them that was 66%) finally resorting to a calculator and were astonished when I was right. I changed my mind. Most people are stupid and deserve whatever happens to them.

Fashion Accessory

2008-11-04T09:00:00.003-06:00

For those of you unfamiliar with Sedaris, here's a clip of a reading he did on Letterman about an interesting fashion accessory:

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

a political rant

2008-11-03T20:50:00.000-06:00

I seriously cannot handle the way Sarah Palin butchers the English language.

Politics aside, she must be stopped if for no other reason than her inability to speak will surely drive most people on the planet insane.

"Betcha" is not a word.

Sentences don't end with the word "also".

Okay, maybe I'm being a word snob. It's true in my casual conversations I don't always use proper grammar nor do I enunciate all my words - but when at work, I do. Otherwise, I'd sound extremely unprofessional and dare I say, not very bright.

I really don't think I can handle listening to her say "yeah" instead of "yes" or "ya" instead of "you" for the next 4 years. Plus there's that whole "nuclear" "nookular" conundrum. I mean haven't we all had enough of that over the past 8 years?

Words and pronunciation aside ... the winking has to stop. That's unprofessional and I feel like she's trying to sell me a lemon of a used car or something.

An upside of her becoming the next VP? Saturday Night Live will have a plethora of material, which is a good thing because their skits have been lacking of late...

Heard this one on the radio last week:
Joe Six-Pack has a girlfriend. Her name is Jane Wine-Box.

Brownie Bites

2008-11-01T10:33:00.003-05:00

Vegetable-oil cooking spray
6 ounces unsweetened chocolate, chopped
12 tablespoons (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter
2 3/4 cups sugar
3 large eggs
1 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1 cup all-purpose flour
Pinch of salt
2 cups nonpareils

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly coat the bottom of a 9-inch square baking pan or dish with cooking spray. Line bottom with parchment paper, and set aside.
Melt chocolate and butter in a heatproof bowl set over a pan of simmering water, stirring occasionally until smooth.

Put 2 cups sugar and eggs in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment. Beat on medium-low speed until fluffy, about 2 minutes. Add chocolate mixture. Beat on low speed until combined. Beat in vanilla, then flour and salt.

Pour batter into prepared pan. Bake until a cake tester inserted into center comes out mostly clean, 30 to 35 minutes (do not over-bake). Let cool in pan on a wire rack until cool enough to unmold, 20 to 25 minutes. Turn out onto a sheet of parchment paper, inverting the pan so brownies cool top side down. Peel off parchment paper; let cool completely.

Heat 3/4 cup water and remaining 3/4 cup sugar in a small saucepan over medium heat, stirring, until sugar is dissolved. Set aside.

Trim off hard edges of brownie square. Scoop out 1 tablespoon brownie, and roll into a ball with your hands, pushing crunchy surface pieces into center. Transfer to a clean work surface. Repeat to make more brownie bits. Generously brush brownie bits with sugar syrup. Roll in nonpareils to coat well. Brownie bits can be made up to 3 days ahead and refrigerated, tightly covered.

Makes abouy 9 dozen.

spit or swallow

2008-10-30T08:07:00.000-05:00

Because good taste in wine doesn’t always go hand in hand with tastefulness.

Vineyard Vixon Costume

According to the website: “At Vixen Vineyard’s wine tasting events, you spit or swallow.” Costume complete with faux-grape headband and cork necklace.

Seriously, I couldn’t have made this up.

Happy Halloween (tomorrow)!

'Whassup' Comes Out for Obama

2008-10-29T10:57:00.001-05:00

Mantyhose

2008-10-28T10:14:00.000-05:00

It was only a matter of time, wasn't it? After all, men already came for our skirts, which we're trying to be fine with because, hey, easy access! Then they came for our eyeliner (or maybe that was just Pete Wentz?) and our girdles (it's true! check out this article for the details), and we started to sense that our territory was being encroached upon.

Now they have co-opted our pantyhose. Why? For warmth, added support, and circulation, according to CNN, which claims that mantyhose sales are "booming." There's even a Website called e-MANcipate aiming to "accelerate the acceptance of male pantyhose as a regular clothing item." The site offers testimonials from truck drivers who swear by mantyhose for those long cold drives and an illustrated guide for how to put on male pantyhose without destroying them.

Unless you're playing Robin Hood or pretending to be Louis XIV, I think maybe you should pass this trend up in favor of, you know, looking hot. But to each his own, right? Whatever. I don't care what you do on weekends, I'm just saying it's not in fashion.

Chocolate Witches' Hats

2008-10-26T22:29:00.006-05:00

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for work surface
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
6 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
1/3 cup packed dark-brown sugar
1 large egg
1/4 cup molasses
12 chocolate sugar ice cream cones
4 Kit Kat bars (1 1/2 ounces), cut into 1/4-inch pieces
3 Hershey's Milk Chocolate bars (5 ounces), chopped and melted
6 pieces sour gummy candy belts, cut in half (I could not find this ingredient, so I used Pull & Peel Twizzlers)

In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, cocoa powder, cloves, salt, and baking soda.
Place butter and brown sugar in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment; mix on medium speed until pale and fluffy, about 4 minutes. Add egg and molasses; mix until combined. Reduce speed to low. Add flour mixture; mix until just combined. Halve dough; shape into disks. Wrap each disk in plastic; refrigerate until cold, about 1 hour.
Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Working with 1 disk at a time, roll out dough on a lightly floured surface to 1/4-inch thick. (If dough becomes too soft at any time, freeze until firm.) Cut dough into 12 circles using a 3 1/2-inch round cutter; space 1 inch apart on baking sheets lined with a nonstick baking mat or parchment paper. Refrigerate until firm, about 20 minutes.
Bake, rotating sheets halfway through, until firm, 11 to 13 minutes. Cool on sheets on wire racks.
Line a baking sheet with parchment. Holding a sugar cone upright in your hand, fill with Kit Kat bar pieces. Using a small brush, paint a thick layer of melted chocolate around the rim of the cone. Hold 1 cookie, bottom side up, over the cone, centering it, and press to adhere to the cone. Turn upright and place on the prepared baking sheet. Repeat process with remaining cookies and cones. Chill for 10 minutes to set. Remove from refrigerator and paint entire surface of hats (cones and cookies) with chocolate. Chill until set, about 20 minutes, then tie candy belts around the base of each hat.

Makes 12
Matha Stewart

Phonics

2008-10-26T09:55:00.003-05:00

Me: Elsa, do you like to color?

Elsa: Yes, I color a lot. I'm making a picture of a libble bug.

Me: A lady bug?

Elsa: No! a LIBBLE bug. See, see? [she points to the pink marking on her paper]

Me: A LITTLE bug?

Elsa: Yea, a libble bug. Jack is coloring on the table!

Me: It's OK, he's still learning how to color as well as you do. Can you show him how you keep the colors on the paper?

Elsa: Yea, it not very nice to color on the table.

------later that night--------

Krista: Who is this? [pointing to the 'Finding Nemo' DVD case]

Else: Nemo!

Krista: How do you spell Nemo?

Elsa: [as she points to the letters] F - I - N - D - I - N - G, Nemo!

Bio

2008-10-24T09:42:00.000-05:00

My girl, Cynthia, stumbled upon this "bio" and thought to share it with me. I enjoyed it so much that I'm sharing it with you!

"I'm a good father. I'm a better father than I am a brother, but still passable as a brother. I'm a worse brother than a cook, and better at cooking than I am at playing pool. But I love my two brothers more than playing pool, which I love about the same as cooking. If I had a main squeeze, I'd put her up there with being a father, which is high up there, because I love my son most of all. I'm not so keen on new york, which falls several notches below bowling, which is, itself, several notches below a good game of pool played in a pool hall (in my estimation anyway). I write because I love to write almost as much as I love my son--say, about as much as I love my brothers. But then again, it's all good, right?"

Seat Envy

2008-10-22T20:31:00.004-05:00

Hello, 18A.

No, really, smash into me with that big-ass duffel as you cram your so-not-regulation rolly into the overhead. Who was asleep at security when you barreled through?

Hog the armrest. Not like I’m sardined between you and Tubbo in 18C or anything.

Hmm, whatcha got there? A silk blanket and pillow? Love the butterfly print. It’s spilling onto my legs, but that’s cool. It’s soooo soft.

Those slippers look comfy and that’s a very chic jump drive. Oh, but you are not using travel speakers. They’re cute as hell, but that’s seriously violating my space. What’s next, nail polish?

No, just a bottle of Barolo in a waterproof wine case. So illegal! (Does your dad own the TSA?)

You must hate how you look in the overhead light, cuz you packed a flashlight to read your hipster guide book.

Off you go to the bathroom with your chrome toothbrush. Good lord, the toothpaste is already in the base.

I’m stealing everything while you’re gone.

(my recent trip to D.C. inspired this random entry)

Lake Calhoun - City View

2008-10-19T07:34:00.000-05:00

a girl can dream....

2008-10-17T08:49:00.001-05:00

Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of Burgundy.

It’s wine season!!!

Time to head to France for a stompin’ good time. Rolling hills, green pastures, and rows of grapevines blend with ancient castles and quaint homes for the ultimate French country experience. Come harvest time, the sweet smell of fermentation permeates the entire Burgundy region.

Now I just need to plan the details...

Red Red Wine You Make Me feel So Fine

2008-10-10T20:50:00.000-05:00

This is awesome. According to a BBC News article, psychologists have found that listening to certain types of music while you sip will affect the way that you taste the wine. For instance, subjects rated white wine 40% more zingy and refreshing when they listened to Just Can’t Get Enough (a “zingy and refreshing” song), and they found red wine 60% more powerful and heavy when they listened to Orff’s Carmina Burana.

It's raining, it's pouring - which means there is plenty of mud for:

2008-10-09T20:23:00.001-05:00

CHOCOLATE MUD PIE

Crust:

1 (8 1/2 oz.) box crushed chocolate wafers

1/2 cup melted unsalted butter
Preheat oven to 375-degrees. Combine crumbs and butter. Press into bottom of 9-inch springform pan. Bake 10 minutes. Cool.

Fudge Sauce:

1/2 cup cocoa

2/3 cup sugar

1/3 cup whipping cream

3 Tbsp. unsalted butter

1 tsp. vanilla extract

Combine cocoa, sugar, cream and butter in 2 quart saucepan. Cook over medium heat until smooth and comes to a boil. Remove from heat and add vanilla. Cool completely.

Filling and Topping:

1 quart good coffee ice cream (softened)

1/2 cup whipping cream

1 Tbsp. powered sugar

1 Tbsp. Kahlua

cocoa

1/4 cup toasted silvered almonds

Spread 1/2 cup Fudge Sauce evenly over baked cooled baked cookie crust. Top with softened ice cream. Spread evenly over crust. Top with remaining Fudge Sauce and chill several hours.
Whip cream with powdered sugar until soft peaks form. Add Kahlua and whip until stiff peaks form. Spread evenly over frozen pie. Dust with cocoa and top with toasted almonds. Freeze until ready to serve.

wood

2008-10-07T08:39:00.002-05:00

Brace yourself - this one is going to be a little racy....

Morning wood? Ummmm.
In your mouth? Heavens!
In front of a mirror? Dude.

Calm down.

You’ll happily open wide for the Source toothbrush. With a wooden handle made of recycled wood bioplastic, this brusher is 93 percent recyclable.

The nifty handle lasts forever, and you can throw the head away when you’ve worn it out (if only). Plus, with 65 percent more bristles than the ordinary, the Source guarantees a much cleaner mouth.

Oh, and that’s not all, people: It’s reversible so you can switch from right to left when your arm gets tired.

Now that’s a hand job you can get behind.

I'll drink to that.

2008-10-05T09:58:00.000-05:00

According to an article in Forbes, the most expensive bottle of wine ever sold was a 1787 Chateau Lafite that belonged to Thomas Jefferson. The wine is totally undrinkable now, 200+ years being beyond any wine’s aging potential, but with Th.J.’s initials etched in the glass, Christie’s was able to auction it off in 1985 for £105,000.

Forbes says, “The allure of these high-priced bottles of vinegar, and other wines of its ilk, is purely in the joy of collecting, not consuming.” To which I ask: What joy is there if it’s not in the consuming? I read some very good advice recently in an aricle about wines as (rapidly growing) investments. The last line was, “Buy wine you’d be glad to drink so you can convert your losses into gains!” I’ll drink to that.

Dramatic twist: The Guinness Book of World Records states that the bottle was purchased by a Mr. Christopher Forbes (USA), who happens to be Vice Chairman of Forbes. No mention of this in the story.

cheap-ass

2008-10-02T20:56:00.001-05:00

As a woman who loves to shop, I have learned a few tips on how to make the most of my money. If you are in the market to spend, be sure to reference this list of best days to buy:

Airplane Tickets
When to Buy: Wednesday morning.
Why: Most airfare sales are thrown out there on the weekend. Other airlines then jump into the game, discounting their own fares and prompting further changes by the first airline. The fares reach their lowest prices late Tuesday or early Wednesday.

Books
When to Buy: Thursday.
Why: Price compare between Borders and Barnes & Noble. B releases its weekly sales and coupons on every Thursday; the B&N, every Tuesday.

Cars
When to Buy: Monday.
Why: Car dealers live for the weekend, which is when they make most of their sales. On Mondays, the low foot traffic makes it seem like the weekend will never come. That dealer desperation, paired with fewer consumers on the lot, give you more negotiating power.

Clothing
When to Buy: Thursday evening.
Why: That's the day when stores stock their shelves for the weekend, and when many retailers start their weekend promotions. You'll find great prices and the best selection.

Department Store
When to Buy: Saturday evening.
Why: Department stores have a lot to mark down for their Sunday circulars, so they frequently start the process on Saturday evenings before store closing. They're preparing for the big rush. Bonus: Even if the markdowns haven't been made, many employees will honor the sale price if you ask.

Dinner Out
When to Buy: Tuesday.
Why: Most restaurants do not receive food deliveries over the weekend. Sunday is the garbage-can day of the week -- They're cleaning out their fridges. Tuesdays, they're starting fresh. Dining out on that day offers the best odds you'll get a meal worth paying for, no matter your price point.

Entertainment
When to Buy: Wednesday.
Why: Plenty of movie theaters, amusement parks and museums offer extra discounts to consumers who visit midweek. AMC Theatres offers members in its free AMC Movie Watcher reward program a free small popcorn on Wednesdays. AMC also has $5 movies on weekday evenings!

Gas
When to Buy: Thursday, before 10 a.m.
Why: The price of oil isn't the only factor influencing costs at your local pump. Consumer usage plays a role, too — and weekend demand is high. Prices usually swing upward on Thursdays as travelers fuel up to head out of town the following day. By hitting the pump before 10 a.m., you'll beat the rush and the price jump.

Groceries
When to Buy: Sunday or Tuesday.
Why: Maximize savings by combining store sales, which run from Wednesday to Tuesday, with the latest round of coupons from your Sunday paper. I personally prefer Tuesday because it is less crowded.

Hotel Rooms
When to Buy: Sunday.
Why: There are two kinds of hotel managers, and the kind that won't give you a discount on your room rate has Sundays off. Call the hotel directly, and ask to speak with the manager on duty or the director of sales. These employees are open to negotiation. They'd rather have a booked room at a discounted rate than an empty room.

I'm not even getting a commision for this:

2008-10-02T00:02:00.004-05:00

Some people come up with the coolest ideas! I recently stumbled upon the portable shower. Say you are in the Boundary Waters for more than just a couple of days - you're likely to develop a stinky problem. Granted you can bathe in the lake, but if you want to keep the bugs and bears away, it might do you some good to take a shower.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Pocket Shower. Here's how it works: Fill the bag with water in the morning. Let the bag warm all day in the sun. Later that day hang the bag from a tree branch and release the water! Now I am sure you are thinking that the shower would last like 10 seconds.... when in fact it has an on/off valve AND it allows for an 8.5 minute shower with the valve open. Wha-la a warm shower in the middle of the woods!

The same site offers Pocket Soap. Granted this isn't as cool as the Pocket Shower, it is filled with multiple bars and they are totally biodegradable. So, if you happen to drop one (and too embarrassed to pick it up - oops!), it is OK to just leave it behind. PLUS, you can use this soap for washing body, hair, clothes, dishes, etc.

Just another million dollar idea that someone else beat me to.

Sniff, swirl and... oh, not again!

2008-10-01T01:02:00.000-05:00

As in any worthwhile investment, there are potential risks involved in drinking red wine. Not least of these is the danger of spilling all over yourself. This always seems to happen when one has already had a couple, swirling the glass with abandon and, without fail, wearing a crisp white shirt.

When I Googled “remove wine stains,” the engine returned 267,000 hits, which leads me to believe that:

a.) everybody and their brother(’s shirt) has an opinion on how to remove stains, and

b.) there might be some untapped potential in the adult sippy-cup industry

There’s a guy who claims it can be done with milk or white wine. My favorite part is when he attempts the stain removal with Chardonnay, and the subtitle reads, “Sauvignon Blanc and Pinot Gris work just as good.” Do you think it works with skim milk? I don’t want my stains to get fat.

Bono, The King of Ireland

2008-09-29T09:51:00.006-05:00

Tina Fey has got Palin down to an art. Brilliant.

News

2008-09-29T09:43:00.002-05:00

Joe Petcka, the baseball player-cum-actor whose recent trial over the murder of his girlfriend's cat resulted in a hung jury last Friday, was on The Today Show this morning with his attorney. Petcka's claim during the trial was that he was defending himself against the cat (whose name was Norman) after the cat started to attack him and Petcka had swatted at the cat too forcefully. Matt Lauer didn't seem to be buying it, noting that Petcka is a "big guy" and then asking Petcka if he did to the cat what he couldn't do to his girlfriend. Petcka denied those claims and his lawyer said that, next time around, they hope they can find New Yorkers who "understand."

I only have a few minutes to watch the news in the morning... and this is what I get. Is this best they can do?! Lame.

Cowboy Cookies

2008-09-28T14:08:00.002-05:00

Vegetable oil cooking spray
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
8 ounces (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
3/4 cup granulated sugar
3/4 cup light-brown sugar
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups old-fashioned oats
1 cup (6oz) semisweet chocolate chips
3/4 cup pecan halves (I don't prefer nuts in cookies, but I thought with all the other sweet ingredients, that I could not just leave it out - so I added 1/4C of crushed pecans instead)
1/2 cup shredded unsweetened coconut

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Coat baking sheets with cooking spray, line with parchment, and spray parchment. Sift flour, baking soda, salt, and baking powder into a medium bowl.
Beat butter and sugars with a mixer on medium-high until pale and creamy, about 3 minutes. Reduce speed to medium. Add eggs, 1 at a time, beating well after each addition. Beat in vanilla.
Reduce speed to low, and slowly add flour mixture, beating until just incorporated. Beat in oats, chocolate, pecans, and coconut until combined. (Dough can be refrigerated for up to 3 days.)
Using a 1 1/2-inch ice cream scoop or a small spoon, drop dough onto baking sheets, spacing 3 inches apart.
Bake until edges of cookies begin to brown, 11 to 13 minutes. Transfer baking sheets to wire rack, and let cool for 5 minutes. Transfer cookies to racks. Let cool.

Makes about 5 dozen

Highballs at 4 o'clock in the afternoon.

2008-09-26T10:21:00.002-05:00

With the old ladies in town from Florida, we have spent a lot of time this week cooking, shopping, playing dominos & cards, and reminiscing about Grandpa over highballs.
Let me tell you a little about him - He was HILARIOUS and so good us - He made us waffles covered in whipped cream and cherries, took us to the pool whenever we wanted (even if is was only 60 degrees), taught us magic tricks, took us ice fishing (being sure to bring a large supply of donuts to keep us busy), and was there for all the big events in our growing-up lives. But I'm not sure you will ever met someone who disliked so many groups of people (i.e. redheads, bad drivers, green bean eaters, etc.).... it got me thinking about a couple of his jokes that I enjoyed:

He once met a girl whose eyes we so crossed that when she cried the tears ran down her back. They called her Bacteria.

He once knew a kid that was so ugly, they had to tie a pork chop around his neck to get the dog to even play with him.

I propose a TOAST

2008-09-24T21:18:00.016-05:00

Toastabags are here to save the day! For all you suckas who opted for the kitschy, old-school upright toaster and are kicking yourselves (that'd be me) when you want to melt a little Swiss on your sourdough — this is for you.

Hailing from across the pond, the genius invention allows you to make a deliciously toasty sandwich in three minutes sans butter, mess, or cleanup. Throw some Havarti and ham on whole wheat, slip the sammy in the bag, and put it in the toaster.

Each one can be reused up to 300 times!!! Reason enough to start brown-bagging it.

Whoa, bitter much? Ha! I was just about to end this post when I stumbled upon The Ex Voodoo Knife Block on the same site that sells the Toastabags. Thoughts?

I am having way too much fun digging around at the random stuff... If you really want your next backyard BBQ to be a hit, be sure to have the Condiment Gun ready for use! ... depending on your audience, you might want to have some towels ready for clean-up! In case that party is BYOB, come prepared with the WineRack and BeerBelly.

OK, that's enough from me... I am signing off firebox.com and this post.

sleeping arrangements

2008-09-22T07:31:00.011-05:00

Here's an interesting story I was told, by a homless-looking-man, late Saturday night walking to my car in a downtown ramp:

"It is fun getting drunk... Yeah. But let me tell you, when you drink so much that you pass out, be careful where you end up. If you wake up in jail, you will probably be on the cement floor or some mattress soaked with pisssss. You don't want to wake up there.... you want to wake up in a hospital. That's right, a hospital. You know why? Because when you wake up, yous in a clean bed, they tell you to say and rest while they have you doped up on some pain killers for this killaaa gash [he gestures to his forehead]."

I love the city, but sometimes it is nice to go home to the 'burbs.

I run the show

2008-09-18T23:02:00.020-05:00

When I started this blog I wanted to make sure if I had something to say (who knew there would be so much!), it would always be something I'd be comfortable sharing with the world. It helps me make sure my opinions are real, because even in my quasi-anonymity, I'm forced to stand by them when they are in print. Due to a little push, I am coming to realize that the focus my blog (and often my life) takes, does not convey all of me - if I don't stop ignoring the bad, I could be in a world of hurt... But really, after attending two funerals this week, is it so wrong to focus on the good when the bad is so painful?

Even in my quest for truthfulness and freedom of expression, the blog can be an escape from reality. In cyber-world people live forever. Their words live on, their pictures remain. Old blogs are abandoned, but not often deleted. Online, you can be anyone you want. You can have a whole separate life. And you can neglect your real life. Or vice versa. I spend most of my time in real life -- where babies are being born, family members are being mourned, and milestones are being celebrated. In my online life, I choose to be real. Sometimes more real than I am in person, because I try not to censor myself. In real life, I have to respect the feelings/time/thoughts/etc. of others. On this site, it's my world. You're not going to get much of the sad stuff because that is not what I want my place on the web to be about. Visitors are welcome, but I run the show.

I'm not even sure all that makes sense.... is too late for some ice cream with brownie bites? That helps everything!

Hair

2008-09-16T08:26:00.002-05:00

In a recent attempt to pull out our embarrassing old pictures, I've had hair-styles on my mind lately.... I don't even really like Nicholas Cage, but I could resist sharing this find:

speaking of graffiti

2008-09-15T21:58:00.003-05:00

watch your language, yo.

Graffiti

2008-09-12T20:17:00.004-05:00

Driving with Chloe a couple of weekends ago. A dilapidated white panel truck with all kinds of colorful scrawls and spray-painted streaks passes by. She notices.

Chloe: "Sara, what are those signs called again? The writing that people do all over the place?"

Me: "Graffiti?"

Chloe: "Graffiti, that's right. Why do people do that?"

Me: "Oh, I don't know... I think some people see it as art."

Chloe: "There's some art by the side of the store, you know? What's that one sign you always see? What does it mean?"

Me: "Sign?"

Cloe: "Yeah, where they have graffiti you usually see that sign. It's like one big finger, and then knuckles."

Peppers Stuffed with Rice, Beans and Feta

2008-09-09T20:29:00.002-05:00

4 medium bell peppers
1 cup rice, cooked (I used a wild and brown rice mix)
1 can kidney beans, rinsed and drained
1 medium onion, chopped
3/4 cup fresh corn kernels
1/2 cup feta, crumbled
1/4 cup toasted pine nuts
1/2 teaspoon dried basil
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
2 tablespoons olive oil
salt and pepper, to taste

Cook the rice and then let it cool.

Prepare the stuffing by mixing the rice with all of the ingredients (except the peppers, of course!). You can do this ahead of time and stick it in your refrigerator until you want to bake the peppers.

Preheat the oven to 375 F. Cut the tops off the peppers and remove the seeds. Save the tops. Spoon the filling into the peppers, packing it lightly, and then replace the pepper tops. Place the stuffed peppers in a baking dish and place it on the middle rack of the oven. Pour about an inch of water around the bottom of the peppers. Bake for about 45 - 50 minutes.

Don't forget to put the tops of the peppers back on before baking-- your kidney beans will go dark and burned-looking (they'll taste fine, just look ugly).

you just can't make this stuff up...

2008-09-08T22:10:00.004-05:00

Until the 1920s, female patients thought to be hysteric were treated by a 'massage' until the patient had a 'spasm'. Doctors welcomed the introduction of mechanical devices to achieve the same effect, because they made it much easier and less fatiguing for their hands (!) Early Sears-Roebuck catalogues contained a page of massaging devices that could be ordered. They sure have streamlined the design over the years.

Obama

2008-09-05T18:07:00.001-05:00

A NY Times Photographers look at the Obama campaign

Deep Thoughts

2008-09-04T12:27:00.001-05:00

'Sometimes, when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then, I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'
~ Jack Handy